Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize