something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
