where am i from again
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
