Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
