yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
