unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
