we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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