goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
