I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
