Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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