He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
