If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
