Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
