The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
