i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You are the jesus of drinking
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
