You can't special order awesome
where am i from again
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
