You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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