UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize