turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
