Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize