Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
