is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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