He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
