Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
