thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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