I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
