She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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