return my video game
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
