My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
