Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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