please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just cropdusted the office
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I had to cum in my sink.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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