Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
