Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
