i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
