okay pat passed out under dana's car
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
