I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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