note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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