yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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