I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
