just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
