Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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