You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
