Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
