I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize