Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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