That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
