yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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