Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
