I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
