Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
