walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
