I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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