it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
