Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like a drive thru vagina
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
