If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize