Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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