we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
