i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
