Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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