You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
