I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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