So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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