I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
