I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
