we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Text me some of your sweat
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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