I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
