sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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