you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
