Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
