There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
