$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize