I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
