Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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