Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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