I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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