So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
