she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize