I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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