Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You can't motorboat a personality
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
