i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
