I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
