He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
