Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
