so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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