it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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