i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
