I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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