Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
