Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
