but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
