I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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