I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
