and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
