I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
