last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
love makes seman taste better
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize